I wrote this poem a year ago.
It is something that I'm proud of because it continues to make perfect sense to me. Even though that sense causes me great discomfort, it's real. It's true and it's sad. Like me, I suppose.

I feel that I'm growing as an artist. I'm proud of the direction I am taking with my life and I'm becoming something I should have always been *AWESOME* . But, when it comes down to it. At the end of the day, after all the people I talk to, it will always come to this. And maybe more importantly, I will never be that girl. Not for you, maybe not for anyone.


This isn't fair and no matter what I do
I won't be her for you
And when I say her
I am referring to this girl you have in your head
The one that lies where contempt was so familiarly breed
Shes tucked there somewhere
can you not see her
The one that you wish to be real
I tried so hard to be like her
she seemed to be like the real deal
I never thought to look elsewhere
you really were real to me
When I say you were real
I mean the you, that you let me see
You took my respect for the man I thought you were
the time i spent loving you is nothing now sir
And that doesn't mean I don't love you and its not that I don't care
It just I can't be that girl because that girl isn't there
I wanted to be her I really really did
But I wanted you to be you
and now I know that the people we were
just couldn't make it through
I mean I let myself be yours when it was never the case
I feel that all my love and emotion just went to waste
And here I sit thinking and wondering why
Part of me hoping its still worth a try
and the other part screaming to just give in and leave it be
The girl that you want will never be me

and so it goes on...

And will it never end. I'm sure I'll have to be that girl sooner or later. I mean, I'm not blind or stupid, I'm beautiful and smart and anyone would really be lucky to have me.
*sigh*
All the things I've heard, yet failed to have seen.
Lucky for me I guess.
Time marches on.........